The Church has an amazing story.  A story full of hope and beauty – longings met, sins forgiven, reconciliation made possible, and grace abounding –  all because of one single Jewish carpenter who put His chisel of Word and Presence to the hard-as-stone hearts of His people and gave His life to ensure they would have a chance at becoming everything He meant them to be.

It’s the story we celebrate every Sunday when we gather together in houses and churches, in movie theaters and strip malls, and in all the places we worship this One.  It’s the story we tell to our children in Sunday school, the story we read in the early and late hours of the day when we cease all other activity and open the Book that tells it.

But it is not always the story we tell.

Sometimes we tell a flawed version of the story.

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We tell a flawed version of the story when we add ideas that aren’t in the original story.  When we define things the way we want to instead of the way they are.  When we use Scripture out of context to prove our points instead of letting the Scriptures inform our thoughts.

This is why theology is so important.  It’s why the hard conversations (where we lay a foundation that says “I will love you anyway, but we need to talk about this point on which we disagree”) need to happen.

There are too many places where we need to tell a better story than the one we’re really telling.

This is just one of them:

I wrote awhile ago about my friend who was wrestling with what it meant to be content as a single person, and learning to live in the tension between what he wanted and what he felt God was asking of him, and about how I found myself wishing that the Church had given him a better story.  Part of what makes it so incredibly difficult to be single in North America is that our culture bombards us incessantly with ideas and expectations that tell us it’s all about getting together with someone (and it doesn’t really matter for how long).  Lose weight, be more beautiful, eat better, do this that or the other to become a better person – so that you can hook up.  It’s everywhere – on TV, in movies, in magazines, in newspapers, and online.  The message is inescapable: you should be with someone.

And the church tells a similar story.

Oh, sure, it’s “Christianized” a bit: don’t have sex until you’re married, work on your character so that you’re more marriageable, etc.  But it’s the same story our culture tells: your life is not complete without a spouse or at least a “significant other.”

But this is not the story the Scriptures tell.

The language of the Bible about the church is distinctly that of family – but of brothers and sisters, not husbands and wives.  The phrase “brothers and sisters” appears 121 times from the beginning of Acts thru Revelation, as opposed to the word “husbands” 12 times, and  the word “wives” 10 times.  And while married couples are certainly included under the “brothers and sisters” umbrella – that broader idea of family includes those who are not married as well.  It includes everyone – male and female.  We are brothers and sisters – family – called to live in unity.

So when we tell the flawed story that marriage is an end goal and to be desired more than anything except Jesus – and I’m sorry, but that is the story we do sometimes tell, whether we mean to tell it or not – how can single people in our churches not wrestle with loneliness, insecurity, and feeling like they somehow don’t fit in or measure up?

We need to tell a better story – not just with our words, but by our actions.  The true story is full of hope and beauty – longings met, sins forgiven, reconciliation made possible, and grace abounding –  all because of one single Jewish carpenter who put His chisel of Word and Presence to the hard-as-stone hearts of His people and gave His life to ensure they would have a chance at becoming everything He meant them to be.

It’s not about getting married.  It’s about coming Home.  About being who we were created to be, children of the most High God.  Brothers and sisters who love each other and their God with deep and vast affection – regardless of their marital status.  And as we live here between “now” and “not yet,” we have the opportunity to create communities that live out that deep and vast love in radical ways, laughing at the crazy things that divide us and choosing a better way to be.

The happily-ever-after of the gospel is about Jesus.

Let’s tell that story.