Deranged fairy godmothers have a knack for causing unnecessary drama.
In a delightful twist on the classic Cinderella story (Ella Enchanted), a fairy godmother gives Ella of Frell an unusual gift: obedience. The “gift” forces her to do everything she is told, with often comedic results – but in the wrong hands (enter the step-family), her gift becomes a curse. So Ella sets off on a journey to find her fairy godmother, in hopes of breaking the curse. Along the way, there are epic adventures, eclectic friends, and (of course) a handsome prince. It’s not quite love at first sight – there’s a lot of talk about politics – but eventually they find a way to bridge their differences, and fall in love. But alas, the prince’s evil uncle wants the throne for himself, and, upon discovering Ella’s “gift,” orders her to kill the prince.
Against all odds, Ella finally locates her fairy godmother – who not only refuses to take back the gift, but also manages to thwart all of Ella’s best efforts to avoid attending the ball to save the prince’s life.
It is only as she looks herself in the eye, fighting not to give in to the curse, that Ella finally realizes she has always had the power to break it.
She simply had to give herself permission.
Elizabeth Gilbert often guides students in her creativity workshops through a series of exercises, one of which includes writing a permission slip. I first heard her talk about this during an epic conversation she had with Rob Bell at Largo last year. (You can catch Part 1 here, and Part 2 here, and I highly recommend it. The part about permission slips is 16:50-28:40 of Part 2.)
She jokes (but in all seriousness) that we are all in 4th grade our entire lives; we want to know what the rules are and how to follow them, and this stems from a belief that we’re not inherently good, and from a fear of getting in trouble for our lack of obedience. So she tells her students to write themselves a permission slip, as if it’s coming from the principal’s office – “Dear Happy, this is the principal. You have permission to…” – and has them stand up to read what they’ve written. Then everyone affirms, “Permission granted!”
I’ve had to write myself a lot of permission slips lately.
Between 100+ days of relative isolation, 30+ days of unemployment, and the deep heartache so many of us are experiencing due to recent events in our country, functioning at a “normal” level has felt nigh unto impossible lately. I’ve learned to take advantage of the days when I wake up energized and get stuff done, because there’s no telling how long that productive streak will last – but I’m also learning to give myself permission to not do everything I think I’m supposed to do right now.
As Rob Bell says, though, “the universals are always hunting for a particular.” So Liz advises getting really specific.
Here are a few more (these maybe of the middle-grade specificity variety – I’m still working on getting down into particulars):
Each of these permission slips is a response to my inner critic, a voice that says, “But you should…”
No. Most of the time I only think I should. It’s okay to say no to that inner critical voice that warns I’ll screw everything up if I don’t:
Looking at it in list form, the flaws in these thoughts are pretty obvious. But in the moment, it can be easy to feel self-imposed pressure to do the “right” thing – instead of just the next thing.
Which for me, right now, is often simply giving myself some grace and a breather, and going for another walk.
What do you need permission for? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.
And in case you need someone to say it:
photo credit: NeONBRAND on Unsplash
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Matt McMann
June 29, 2020This is SO insightful and helpful! Thank you for sharing the specifics of your own story which really helps clarify how I can apply this to my own life. Brava.