the three most valuable questions you can ask your mentor

Behind every great leader you will find an entire community of mentors.  Many of those mentors will be authors, speakers, and bloggers – good leaders are always reading, or listening to podcasts and audio books – seeking to learn more, and to be better leaders.  But if you ask a leader you respect: “Who are your mentors?”, chances are good he or she will immediately be able tell you the names of 2-4 people that (as John Maxwell would put it) “add value” to their lives.

photo courtesy of ©Depositphotos.com / markin

I have experienced a number of mentoring relationships – some that were awesome, and some that were not that great – and I’ve been on both sides of that relationship.  I’ve mentored people, and I’ve been mentored by them.  Every relationship is unique because of the unique personalities that both the mentor and the mentored bring to the table – but there are a few characteristics common to great mentoring relationships, and one of them is the ability of the mentored to ask good questions.

If you are in any kind of leadership role and do not yet have a mentor, I would highly advise you to find one – their wisdom is going to spare you from making a lot of mistakes.  As you ask questions, take notes!  You can learn a lot from those that have gone before you.

Here are the three most valuable questions I think you can ask your mentor:

1. Specific questions

“How do I become a better leader?” is a valid question, but it is really vague.  You aren’t going to get the best information from your mentor by asking vague questions.  Instead, ask specific questions, like:

•  “Here’s a situation I’m dealing with at work this week; how would you handle it, and why?”
• “I received an email today that was full of misinformation; what should I say when I confront my co-worker about it tomorrow?”
• “I’m really struggling with this particular issue. Do you have any advice?”

You’ll get the advice you need, tailored specifically to the problem you’re having.

2. Personal questions

There are times when theory will be really helpful to you in a mentoring relationship. Walking away from a mentoring conversation with four principles to remember the next time you have a situation involving conflict with someone who works for you will doubtless be useful.  But ask your mentor to give you more than principles and lessons.  Ask them to tell you their stories.

• “I’m having a sharp disagreement with someone in my department.  Have you ever experienced something like that?”
• “I’m not sure how to draw healthy boundaries with this person in my office without offending them.  Have you ever been in a situation this difficult?  What did you do?”
• “I really need to talk to my boss about an issue I’m having, but I’m not sure she’ll understand.  Has that ever happened to you?”

The stories your mentor can tell you about experiences they’ve had will do two very positive things: they will strengthen the bond between you and your mentor (because we come to know each other thru the stories we tell), and they will help you remember the principles found within the story (because story illustrates truth).

3.  Biblical questions

Now this one doesn’t necessarily apply to you if you’re not a Christian or are uninterested in how the wisdom in God’s Word can help you be a better leader.  But if you want to be the kind of leader that honors the Lord in the way you lead, you need to know what God’s Word says about good leadership, and if your mentor has been walking with the Lord longer than you have, it’s likely they’ll be able to point you to the right passages in Scripture to study when you need God’s wisdom on a particular subject.

And if you’re not a Christian, or if this concept is new to you, I would challenge you to find a mentor of whom you can ask these kinds of questions anyway.  The advice you find in the pages of Scripture might just change the way you lead – and your life – for the better.