munch the mint in your mojitos (and other life hacks for loneliness)

Scouring Google in an effort to verify my assumption proved an epic fail, but I am nonetheless convinced that it is socially unacceptable to pull the mint leaves out of your mojito to munch them. They’re meant to add beauty, texture, and flavor. They’re not supposed to be a snack. But I love mint, and it’s healthy for you. Also: those mint leaves soak up some of the rum.

One of the nonpareil cures for loneliness is also socially unacceptable: showing up, uninvited. The fine art of “dropping by” has fallen out of fashion; we don’t “go calling” anymore. We can text a close friend: “Having a rough day, could use some company. Happy to come your way!” (Look at us, being all thoughtful and yet still getting what we need – if our friend replies that we should come on over.)

But what if they say no?

That question, far too often, gives voice to a fear that prevents us from asking for the gift of presence in the midst of our loneliness.

Researchers say loneliness is increasingly common; some view it as an epidemic. Causes vary from genetics to environment, and loneliness can have a significant impact on health, sometimes leading to depression – which can, in turn, lead to a charming little behavior known as wallowing.

When we think of “wallowing,” we often associate it with negativity – rolling around in the muck of our emotions much like elephants in the mud, sinking into a funk and immersing ourselves in our sadness. It surprised me to learn that synonyms for wallow also include words like bask, delight, enjoy, relish, and revel.

Loneliness dissipates when you change the way you encounter it:

• Loneliness is a spotlight, accentuating that something is wrong. It’s an opportunity to become better acquainted with yourself. Explore your emotions, cuddle up with them, take them for a walk. Learn something new about the why behind your loneliness.

• Loneliness is a signpost, directing you towards community. Invite yourself into someone’s presence; better yet, invite them into yours. We are social creatures; socialize.

• Loneliness is a signal, raising awareness: a shift is required in thought or action. Do you need to relocate, alter your perspective, take a nap, go see a movie? (Tom Hanks says “the cinema has the power to make you not feel lonely, even when you are.” It’s not a bad idea; stories teach us a lot about ourselves.)

Our experiences of loneliness don’t have to be entirely negative. If we can shift the way we think about them and wallow our way towards revelry, lonely moments become catalysts which push us outside our comfort zones, help us grow, and form closer relationships.

Don’t let the fear of rejection keep you from the gift of presence. Show up uninvited on the doorsteps of your friends, mojitos in hand (metaphorical or otherwise), and savor every last leaf of rum-soaked mint as loneliness transforms to joy.

photo credit: Kobby Mendez on Unsplash