Today’s post for our singleness and the church series is a guest post from my friend, Brad – a fellow blogger, co-host of the Outsiders Podcast, and all-around brilliant guy. Brad recently conducted a two-month internet “dating experiment”, learned a lot, and wrote about it incredibly vulnerably on the Outsiders Podcast blog. You can check out the introduction to his series here, and the podcast wrap-up here, but I asked Brad if I could repost Part 2 on Simple Felicity, and he very graciously agreed. (He also agreed to an interview with some follow-up questions to the podcast, so stay tuned for that next week!) In the meantime, here are Brad’s thoughts on the importance of character:
photo courtesy of ©Depositphotos.com / costinc79
In Part 1, I basically set the course for this series and the podcast we recorded centered around dating. Instead of going into the data that I mined from the experiment and all the funny stories that I have, I wanted to dive into a deeper question that has come out of this experiment. Maybe one day I’ll tell all those stories, and there are definitely some fun stories in the podcast episode, but for now, let’s talk about something a little more important.
When I mentioned that the classic question I tend to get from my faith community is, “Is she a Christian?” I sort of made a vague statement about how I’ve usually put my eggs in that one basket, and how that might not be the only question to ask. I want to elaborate on that so that people won’t misconstrue my statements as some kind of flagrant endorsement for dating anyone you wish to date; and let’s be honest, that kind of misunderstanding happens all the time online. So, here’s what I would say to that. I believe that having the same faith is very important. It is the center of who I am and how I live my life. However, I would caution people to look beyond the statement, “I’m a Christian” and begin to look at someone’s character.
Ok, I understand that when you read that last statement you’re probably thinking I’m a total idiot for saying it. I would hope to God that you’re examining someone’s character if they’re a potential mate for you, but in my experience, there are plenty of “Christians” in my life that I either grew up with in the church, went to a Christian college with, or have just met in my life, that, even while being leaders or pillars in their church, have committed adultery and left their families. How does this happen? What is being overlooked?
I mention this all to say, “character counts”. I know, I know, that sounds so cliche, but I think we can all agree that it’s true. I think of all of my friends, men & women, who have been cheated on and left by their “Christian” spouses as I’m writing this. This is where character takes center stage. Believing and acknowledging the existence of God and his son Jesus isn’t the end all be all in relationships, which is quite obvious in all the Christian divorce that’s happening in America. There has to be more. I would say, having a mate who identifies as a Christian is more of a starting point. But then, I have to ask this question:
Is character more important than what a person self-identifies as through a religion?
15 years ago, I would’ve said that the two go hand in hand. I mean, hell, you expect the Christian to have some semblance of good character as they’re called to live like Jesus, and since He had perfect character, that person has got to be, at least, better than average, right? Present day Brad would disagree. In fact, I would say that I’m a bit more jaded, and for me, character is king, especially since my experience in dating as well as what I’ve observed from my friends, doesn’t point to a struggle between Christian & non-Christian, it points to a struggle between 2 people, one of which, or in some cases, both, with poor character.
Can someone who doesn’t know Jesus love someone and be committed to them for the rest of their life? Of course, and we’ve all probably seen that. And in the same way, we’ve seen that people who know Jesus can be committed and love their mate the rest of their life. So now what?
© 2015 Brad Gross
A data analyst by trade with a Humanities degree (not sure how that works? no one else does either!), Brad Gross writes for chasethesunrise.com where he blogs about all things life. Whether it’s music, movies, Jesus, culture, technology; whatever you’re looking for, he’s probably blogged about it. He also writes for and co-hosts the Outsiders Podcast with his lifelong friend, Scott Matkovich. They write & talk about all things church-culture, and have a lot of fun doing it.
Brad would never want to live in a world without music, and has 12 nieces and nephews whom he loves very, very much. His mission in life is to to increase the quality of life for those around him through hugs, humor, and compassion. He believes that Jesus has given us all of His power and if we’re willing to step out into the world around us and RELEASE that power and speak His truth over others, people will experience real breakthrough and the love of The Father.
