I don’t think I’ve ever been so glad to see a year come to an end.
New Year’s Day is typically one of my favorite holidays because it represents new beginnings, and as such, holds so much promise. So far this year, it’s been hard to feel that promise – and the excitement I wish would come with it. I typically spend New Year’s Day reading, praying and writing, planning for the future; this year, I spent New Year’s Day on the couch with a head cold, mostly binge-watching Gilmore Girls. Not quite the reflective start I meant to give the year, but at least it was restful, and maybe that’s what I needed. 2015 was beyond a shadow of a doubt one of the worst years of my life, and waking up at the end of it feeling dizzy and drained seemed oddly appropriate, if slightly annoying.
My OneWord 365 for last year was happiness, and at times it was a life-line. I needed to keep believing that happiness was not only uncomplicated but possible, thru some of the darkest days I’ve ever known.
I’m grateful for the small moments of happiness I did experience. Friends that showed up in tangible and meaningful ways to help and to listen and to walk with me through the darkness. New jobs that led to meeting new people that have become good friends and fantastic clients. A charming new home, with my own front door and an oven, where friends are always welcome. Unexpected gifts that somehow always seemed to arrive at just the right time. Moments that reminded me that not everything was awful, and that somehow, there would be a day when I would not just be “Happy” – but would feel more like myself again, too.
That’s what I want for 2016. I’m not really sure how I ended up feeling so lost, so uncertain about so many things, so disconnected from God, and so very un-Happy – but I’m weary of feeling that way. I want my life back.
So my OneWord for 2016 is fight. It’s time to dig in, find some chutzpah, and go make something of this one life I get to live. I don’t know exactly what that’s going to look like – but 2015 left me feeling tired, battered, and sorely beaten.
2016 will be the year I fight back.
"Often when you think you're at the end of something, you're at the beginning of something else." —Fred Rogers via @momentumdash
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"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." Einstein